Movies Hollywood Shouldn’t Remake (But Probably Will) : Pretty Woman

Earlier this week, we lost a true Hollywood legend in the form of Garry Marshall. He was responsible for bringing some of the most beloved television and movies to my and the previous generation.

 

In the aftermath of such a loss, Hollywood tends to try and make a cash grab by bringing out some of the previous works of the ones who have gone on to that next big project in the sky. Now in the Case of Gary Marshall they will have a long list to choose from but the one I think that they will be chomping at the bit to take a stab at is Pretty Woman because A) it’s been a decent amount of time and B) screw it, that’s why.

Garry Marshall
“I’m tellin’ ya! I made a show about the fifties in the seventies and put Robin Williams on the map. It’ll work. Now…where’s the cocaine?”

Why they shouldn’t remake it

Pretty Woman is a classic film. It introduced the movie going public to the hooker with a heart of gold. It was brought to the screen by the aforementioned Marshall and is the classic story of people from two different worlds who have nothing in common and no reason to fall in love but against all odds manage to do so, but it told it so well, that it launched Julia Roberts’ career into the stratosphere and made people forget that Richard Gere was in a pet store once a week buying gerbils. Seriously Hollywood, leave this one alone.

Gerbil
Oh dear God no…Look…if i say ‘Dr T. and the Women was a great flick will ya leave me be?

Advice for when they eventually remake it

Before Disney (That’s right, the House of Mouse had their hands in a movie that featured prostitution) decided it should have a lighter tone. I have never read the original script but apparently it was much darker. It was entitled ‘3,000’ referring to the amount that Vivian, who was a drug addict by the way, was to be paid for her week of debauchery. The script was so dark that the likes of Molly Ringwald and Michele Pfeiffer passed on it.

Molly Ringwald
I once gave my panties to an annoying little shit after he told me a guy I wanted to bang was interested in me. there’s no way people would believe me as a prostitute!

On the other end of the spectrum, Al Pacino passed on it as well and when a man who starred in a film that has a record number of F-bombs in it, you may want to reconsider your approach.

Al Pacino
I wanna pay you three grand so I can see your ‘Hoo-Hah’!!

Which brings me to the point of this section. Base the new flick on the original script. Apparently it deviates enough from the original movie that the audience could feel like they are getting something new as opposed to rehashed dog food (no offense Robocop remake).

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