Star Wars Quotes Overheard in a Brothel

With all the anticipation sparked by the second teaser recently, I was reminded of my love of Star Wars. A love I haven’t experienced in a very long time. Let’s face it, the last Star Wars movie came out a decade ago and the last GOOD Star Wars movie came out over 30 years ago. After watching the Awesomeness, I decided to combine my two great loves (Star Wars and Brothels) I came up with a list that should be pleasing to fans of both.

Star Wars Movie Quotes Overheard in a Brothel

It’s a hot summers night in the old Bump ‘N Grind, an old ‘house of Ill repute’ located in sunny southern California. The new clean up boy has just clocked in for the evening shift after a hard day of racing cars, his true passion. For the purposes of anonymity, we’ll call him George. Let’s take a look inside a typical night in ‘George’s’ life at the old Bump ‘N Grind.

George begins his evening by sweeping up the back part of the brothel as that’s the part that gets most used during the day. After all, “respectable” businessmen take their lunch hours during the day and the cleaning staff is busy with the ‘lunch rush’. One such customer was just finishing up for the day as George just began to wheel the mobile mop and bucket into the first room. As he began his duties, he heard Heather Hoover finish up and her client. As ‘Mr. Smith’, notorious for his chronic halitosis and overabundance of body hair, got dressed and headed toward the front door, George was finishing his first room, Heather walked out into the hallway and said to know one in particular…

“I thought that hairy beast would be the end of Me.” – C-3P0 Played by Anthony Daniels – The Empire Strikes Back

George proceeded on with his cleaning duties until it was time to greet the guests and take their names and coats. After checking in a few guests, George escorts ‘Willy Spanker’, a regular guest known among the ladies for his “excessive endowments”. George led ‘Willy Spanker’ to the new girl’s room. After getting them acquainted, he closed the door and noticed a random condom wrapper in the hall. Quickly leaning down to pick it up, as he rose and began to head back to his station, he heard the new girl, ‘Cracka Dawn, exclaim…

“Would you look at the size of that thing!” – Wedge Antilles Played by Denis Lawson – Star Wars: A New Hope

George headed back to his post where one of the doors he had previously escorted a guest to, was suspiciously cracked open. It was not uncommon for a guest to slip out during a session to use the restroom as each room only had a small sink and mirror for the ladies to wash up between clients. As George grabbed the doorknob as quietly as possible, just before he closed the door completely, he couldn’t help but hear the room’s owner, Topper Bottoms say…

“At that speed will you be able to pull out in time?”-Biggs Darklighter Played by Garrick Hagon – Star Wars: A New Hope

George took his seat next to the door where he always sat to welcome guests as they walked in. About this time, one of the first guests to come in on George’s watch had just wrapped up and was heading toward the door and George respectively. George jumped up, grabbed the gentleman’s coat and handed them to ‘Mr. Woody Pfisterbottom’ and didn’t make any eye contact or friendly small talk, as it was customary to be as reserved as possible so as to avoid an awkward situation. One that would have most certainly have happened, seeing as ‘Mr. Pfisterbottom had just been ‘engaged’ with Sharon Peters who was known to be a bit relaxed in washing up between clients and had taken on a double shift. As Mr. Pfisterbottom was leaving, George heard under him mumble under his breath…

“I thought they smelled bad on the outside!”-Han Solo Played by Harrison Ford- The Empire Strikes Back.

After a bit, the door opened and an older gentleman walked in. George offered to take his coat but the gentleman, Phil McCracken, informed him that he was merely picking up his son, Ben, who he had dropped off for his ‘first time’ before going to enlist in the Marine Corp. George struck up some small talk and after a few minutes, the boy came out and headed to his father, grinning from ear to ear. The old man grinned as well, knowing that he no longer had a boy, but sending a man off into the military. Before they fully exited, Ivanna Moorcock, one of the more ‘seasoned’ ladies came out and waved goodbye to young man much to the dismay of his father who looked at his son and said…

“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought!” – Princess Leia Played by Carrie Fisher – Star Wars: A New Hope

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